Mes ténèbres, ma lumière (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yuumurakirika) wrote2021-10-16 11:08 pm
yuumurakirika) wrote2021-10-16 11:08 pm
Entry tags:
what is "gay" anyway
Huh... realising, that I don't think I have the same experience as many queer/gay people.
For many people, they grew up in a group or neighbourhood that said, "being gay is a sin". They were told that the way they love is wrong.
That's... there are not many things that are more horrible, than telling someone, "love is wrong". To forbid a person from being passionate, whatever or whoever they love, is to cut off their soul.
I was told such things, but... never because it was a woman that I would love. People tried to convince me that all love is sinful, that man can only love in a brutal, cruel way because of sin. But, when I stepped outside that world, and felt love truly for the first time... all that was broken away.
So, I can't see that I ever have felt discrimination, being with a woman. In Paris I'm sure there were some stares, but for once, the stares of the world were lost to me. I am fortunate, that that is never a place where I have felt different.
If I was left in the dark, with no exits, and all my powers taken away... powers of sight, hearing, skill in any subject... but I was allowed to keep one thing... I would choose the power to love someone. I can be beaten, terrified for my life, but, as long as it's possible to feel love and hope, I can emerge from that darkness. I can claw my body over the edge of a cliff with just my bleeding fingers, if love is on the other side. It's the power to forgive, the power to move forward.
That power is greater than any other that I have known. To take that from someone is a cruel act, no matter what reason. But, it might be crueller yet, to say, "some can have this, but others not", based on... gender?? To imagine being in the dark about love, and then, to find love, only for people to say, "it's wrong because of gender"? It's the most pitiful thing.
So, my heart goes out to those who feel that pressure to stay hidden... who feel that your sexuality or not has a kind of taint to it... who were taught that you were less, because you were queer, gay, ace, any of it. It's not true, and I'm sorry that the world makes you feel it....
For many people, they grew up in a group or neighbourhood that said, "being gay is a sin". They were told that the way they love is wrong.
That's... there are not many things that are more horrible, than telling someone, "love is wrong". To forbid a person from being passionate, whatever or whoever they love, is to cut off their soul.
I was told such things, but... never because it was a woman that I would love. People tried to convince me that all love is sinful, that man can only love in a brutal, cruel way because of sin. But, when I stepped outside that world, and felt love truly for the first time... all that was broken away.
So, I can't see that I ever have felt discrimination, being with a woman. In Paris I'm sure there were some stares, but for once, the stares of the world were lost to me. I am fortunate, that that is never a place where I have felt different.
If I was left in the dark, with no exits, and all my powers taken away... powers of sight, hearing, skill in any subject... but I was allowed to keep one thing... I would choose the power to love someone. I can be beaten, terrified for my life, but, as long as it's possible to feel love and hope, I can emerge from that darkness. I can claw my body over the edge of a cliff with just my bleeding fingers, if love is on the other side. It's the power to forgive, the power to move forward.
That power is greater than any other that I have known. To take that from someone is a cruel act, no matter what reason. But, it might be crueller yet, to say, "some can have this, but others not", based on... gender?? To imagine being in the dark about love, and then, to find love, only for people to say, "it's wrong because of gender"? It's the most pitiful thing.
So, my heart goes out to those who feel that pressure to stay hidden... who feel that your sexuality or not has a kind of taint to it... who were taught that you were less, because you were queer, gay, ace, any of it. It's not true, and I'm sorry that the world makes you feel it....